Last month I was in France. We flew into Nice and had one of the happiest weeks of my life. We spent a week in one of the most beautiful places in the world with wonderful, kind people, full of life and love. I can’t imagine their heartbreak and sadness in what has happened. The images below are from my trip and I hope convey the peaceful feeling and warmth that I felt during that week. My wish is that the peace of the South of France be felt my all, and that the hate and fighting and blame and rhetoric and anger and killing stop.

Valentine’s Day is about five weeks away.  Not that any of needs to think of the next holiday!  If you are like me, you are still trying to recover from Christmas and embrace the new year, maybe while feeling a little more worse for the wear.  I used to think Valentine’s Day was a silly, made up holiday, invented to sell more chocolates and cards and fill restaurants.  But now I choose to look at it as a time that we celebrate those we love.  I like to make sure that those that I love know how I feel and do a little something special for them on Valentine’s Day, maybe just by leaving a kind note.  However, not until recently have I thought that one of those people should be myself.  I bet you didn’t either.  In order to really love others, isn’t it necessary to love ourselves first?  I think so.

I believe there are two reasons why women have a difficult time feeling happy with themselves as an individual.  First, so many of us have a hard time even defining who we are as an individual person, apart from being a mother and a wife.  We are so wrapped up in caring for, worrying about and helping out those around us that we often have difficulty separately ourselves from those roles.  And, then we feel insecure because believe we are falling short in our roles.  I can’t/don’t cook a spectacular and healthy meal for my family every single night (like Gwyneth Paltrow does) because sometimes I haven’t made it to the grocery store or I am just too tired.  Our laundry often sits folded on the couch in my bedroom for a week before it gets put away.  I don’t wear sexy lingerie for my husband (like Angelina Jolie does for Brad) because it is mostly uncomfortable and I can’t find it in my messy drawers.  I sometimes lose my patience and yell at my kids.  I could go on and on and on and on… but I am often feel like I am not very good at being a mother, wife, housekeeper, etc.

Piled on top of this insecurity about our familial roles, is the expectation (self induced on my part) that we should look perfect.  After all, Gwyneth and Angelina look flawless and they have children and careers, so I why can’t I do it also?  We compare ourselves to whatever crazy ideal we have made up in our minds and thoughts like, “my boobs are too small and saggy”, “I have too many wrinkles”, “my belly is round and not flat like hers”, “my butt is drooping”, “I have perpetual under eye circles”, “my nose is too big”, “my eyes are to small”, “my hair is too thin”…. creep into our daily thoughts and make us feel less than beautiful, even ugly or worthless.  What a shame this is!  What a effing shame!  Think about all you do (that is why you have those under eye circles) and how much you give you others!  Think about how deeply you and love.  Think about how smart you are!  Think about how much you contribute to the world, just by being alive.  You are a beautiful person (regardless of how much you weigh, how clean your house is, how many wrinkles you have, what you have done today….)

Women are beautiful.  They are life givers.  They are strong.  They are fun.  They are interesting.  They are all this, just because they are.  I know that being photographed by yourself (where you can’t hide behind your children, husband, etc.) is scary.  I know that.  But, I am not scary.  I know exactly what you will be feeling.  And, even if you are scared, please let me.  I would like to show you that you are beautiful.  I would like to photograph you in a way that illustrates your own unique beauty.  I would like to give you this gift so you can see your own beauty that has nothing to do with your kids or husband or age or all of that.  And then, you and maybe kids and grandkids and everyone else will have proof of your beauty.

What are you waiting for?  Let me help you celebrate your beauty!

Please join us at our studio for a glass of wine (or two) to help kick off Care Card** Week (or ten days)! We will have Care Cards so don’t worry if you don’t have yours yet.  All guests will receive a complimentary $100 gift card to use toward a session, holiday cards, portraits, or framing, along with a copies of my my two books.  Also, my friend Lori Weech, RN, CAI will be here doing complimentary Botox evaluations as well as giving treatments (at great pricing).  We hope to see you you here at my studio tomorrow, Thursday, October 16 from 5-9pm.

**Care Card is an annual event sponsored by The Board of Visitors and is a card you buy for only $60 (the entire amount of which goes toward the chosen charity, Phoenix Children’s Hospital).  Presenting your Care Card from October 17-26, will garner you a savings of 20% at hundreds of really great local retailers and restaurants, including my studio.  It is a great time to do your holiday shopping and get your family portraits!

This time of year is hard for me – as it is for anyone who might not have their mother with them any longer.  About this time of year, I start reliving the last six weeks of her life because she died only six weeks after Mother’s Day.  I don’t do it because I am morbid but because, as time passes, I find it harder to remember smaller details about her, her voice, the shape of her nose, the sound of her laugh…

My mother died almost five years ago.  I knew that she was dying about a year before she actually left us and so I spent almost half of the last year of her life with her and had some great heart to heart, very honest talks with her that allow me to feel peaceful now.  However, one thing that I really wish that I had done was to have my dad photograph us together.  I would love to have that portrait to remind me of exactly how it felt to be with her, two adult women, one mother and one daughter, friends and connected spirits.

But, what I did do that brings me comfort, was photograph her with my boys, over her rather loud objections.  (She was still recovering from a major surgery and just told she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  She is wearing a wig because she was undergoing chemo.  But she had on her ever-present lipstick.)  I knew that this would be important for them to have to remember her, as they were so young when she got sick.  I have a framed portrait hanging in my hallway near all of our bedrooms so that they can see it as they head to go to bed.  Sometimes I find myself standing in front of it, remembering her.  Even though she was just out of the hospital and did not feel well, I can still see her mischevious twinkle in her eye as she was telling them something crazy to make them laugh.  It makes me remember her laugh and her soft skin on her hands and her warm touch.

We all need our mothers and I was lucky to have mine until I was a mother myself.  Though I wish she could have seen her grandchildren grow into adults and help them along their paths in life, I feel happy to know that my boys had a chance to know her.  She will always be with me.  

I am so excited to have my first book available, featuring beautiful, moving portraits of children!  We have them available at Blueseeds Home, Mombomb, and at the studio.  They will be available at more locations soon!  I am now looking for models for my next book, A Celebration of Motherhood.  If you wold like to be included or know someone who would, please contact the studio asap 602.263.5098.  We are looking at Mother’s Day for our release and book signing event with Mombomb!